This is the Bbc

A band of little people dressed as tiny elves were apprehended this week on
Kings row
all were quite sloshed and rowdy....singing God Save the Queen

Twenty bobbies sustained injuries trying to apprehend the diminutive melee

Sgt.Barker....This happens around Christmas.....it takes all shapes and sizes

This is the Bbc

Santa clause is coming to the Peculiar 14th sales floor and getting sloshed part 1

St atic......yes....we have returned....let us listen in a Ian and Miss Battlaxe argue back
and forth like two childish schoolchildren.......

Poof!!!!!       Battleaxe!!!!!!      poof!!!!!!     Battleaxe!!!!!       Santa is coming....!!!!!!!!

Poppycock!!!!!!

Did someone call me?......Poppy smiled

Orson bellairs appears and bellows

What is all this lunacy ?!!!!!!!!

Ian and Miss Battleaxe stopped and stared

Ian speaks.....She has no Christmas spirit....Santa is a customer off and on....

Bulderdash.....I have been here twenty five years....no Santa Clause....Miss Battleaxe replied

He only appears to nice salespeople.....Ian replies

You mean

Poofs

 
Now...Now...this will have to stop...show some decorum

Ian pulled out his tongue.

Well....I never....Miss Battleaxe yelled dramatically....she loved that

I know....Simon replied......

    After the spat,everyone returned to their stations  
Where is Natashia Paplov? Simon queried
 
OH,she has gone back to her homeland for Christmas .....lucky cosmonaut Ian sighed

Christmas is a nightmare here,I surmise....Simon surmises

Oh,it can get quite busy,but not like floor 8.....God help them....

ring.......ring.....Hello...yes....yes....Mr.Nichlos.....very well

Ian places the reciever down and grins at Simon...

Santa clause is coming to Us.......

Static......hiss.............

Attention shoppers...the Perculiar 14th floor radio blog is back on the air..

,Ian ; Well,it's about bloody time,pardon my french....or english.......

Simon;We have been waiting for ages ...mate.....


I'm so sorry...fella's ...I will pen a special Christmas episode.......

Ian.....PUT Santa in it......now be gone.....MR.Lawson


Static

Lord Byron visits the Pecuiliar 14TH floor department store part 3....

When we last listened in on our quirkey sales staff
a big blue vapor of a ghost was floating
through the department store
causing Ian to screech
Miss Battleaxe to bellow
Orson Bellairs to grumble
Poppy to giggle
and Simon,well,
You know Simon.....

Help.....!!!!!Poltergoost......Casper......run for lives...!!!!Ian screeched
Calm down.....order....order!Orson Bellairs commanded

Easy for you,it isn't chasing you,you git...Ian replied

Anastasia Poplov was holding a strange object in her hand
What is that?Poppy inquired.....
It is sage,Miss Poppy.....Anastasia replied
Oh,Do call me Poppy,miss makes me sound
What?.....Miss Battleaxe asked from behind

Poppy blushed.....Too refined....I'm just a Poppy....

When you ladies have done chatting,
Ghost.....Remember?   Ian wailed

Yes....YES.....Let it float near your head Mr.ian...Anastasia replied
I'm not kissing it....Ian replied...

A voice said....Poof....

Did you hear that?how perceptive said Miss Battleaxe

The blue ghost giggled and belched

Must have tummy troubles...Simon added

Anastasia started chanting and waving the burning sage around Ian

How facinating Orson said

Easy for you,Ian replied in a huff

I command thee to depart and cross over....ada ba ada sa laama

ABA DABBA DING DAND....Ian moaned....

The blue form swirled then spoke

I like smarties...and a blue tongue gave a rasberry

The entity flew over the staffs head into a vent.....

Where did it go....?

The vent....where does that lead?......Anastasia asked

The 15th floor....no one goes up there...Ian shivered

Why not?


Because it's bloody haunted


snap crackle pop

Lord Byron visits the Peculiar 14th floor dept store part 2

Ian,Annastasia and Simon slowly crept down the side hallway,
where Orson Bellair's cozy corner office was situated

Shh....Ian whispered....Simon,look around the corner....
Simon glanced back towards the elevator nervously..
Check....the coast is clear....Simon said
I hope it's not Lands End...or we are in trouble....Ian giggled

Now now....let us get to buisness...Anastasia said briskley....
ok...luv.....lets see if this key works...Ian jiggled a skull and crossbone key....

Click.....My Aunt FANNY...it worked....Simon gasped....
Of course it did....They don;t call me safecracker for nothing...Ian exclaimed..

Anastasia crept in the office slowly,like a Russian minx cat...there...it is on desk
ahh...not to clever..keeping in full view...Mr.Bellair's isn't too bright...

Am I not?....Orson smiled

Ian screeched like a banshee and jumped nearly into Simon's arms...
give over....Simon exclaimed...

Anastasia....blushed and said....This crystal ball needs a cleaning and your desk too
Ah...the crystal ball....that is not it....here is the real mcoy....

Orson turned and wheeled in a silver cart with giant crystal ball on top
It is very red....Ian said

I was about to call you up here Anastasia,before this break in
It is my fault...I was curious...and I like capers....Ian confessed

YES....give me that key....Orson said demurely....
IAN handed over the skull and crossbone key....

I have spares....Ian whispered to Simon

pardon...?....Orson glared.....

Oh,nothing....Ian replied....

On the sales floor...Miss Battleaxe was miffed

Where in the blazes is everyone....it's like a ghost town

Suddenly Ian was scrambling down onto the salesfloor screaming

RUN.....for God,Queen and country....run for your lives!!!!!

GHOST!!!!!!!!

Suddenly a bright flaming blue form
flew over Pippa and Miss Battleaxes heads.....Woosh....

I just got my hair done....Pippa complained.....

Anastasia....came running behind Ian with a strange box

Come Back....vait.......me have to say incantation.....!!!!!!

Orson Bellairs looking pale as a sheep followed behind

I need an exorcist......he blustered by....

Simon was last.....This store is a blast

hiss sizzle......crack....pop

This is the Bbc

A man dressed as Marilyn Monroe was apprehended by police this afternoon
after startling a group of retired pensioners in the park...

He is Simon pugh of Croswell age 45
an unemployed wedding photographer.....

As he was being led away
he sang

boop
boop
de
doop

This is the Bbc

An unemployed wedding photographer

how sad

Ian lamentated

Lord Byron...not that one....Visits The peculiar 14th floor sales dept.....radio blog..part 2

Anastasia Poplov was muttering in Russian to herself as she passed Ian and Simon's
counter

This will not do....no...nyet...no....nyet...
Make up your mind love,is it nyet or no?....Ian queried...

Anastasia blushed....OH,Mr.Ian....I am perplexed by this Crystal ball sale....
What is the matter,is it not working?...Ian repied....

That is not it,I must check to see it is clear of harmful energy and spirits....
I thought you studied anthropology?....Ian said
Oh,yes...and other things.....Anastasia smiled
Do tell....Ian leaned in....

At Oxford....in a very special class,we study about objects that are cursed
It sounds like a very liberal university ...Ian giggled...

I was on the rowing team...Anastasia said proudley....
A women on the rowing team....?......I never heard of that....Ian replied..

No,I arrive in England with very short hair....I look like boy....
my roomate say they need replacement,so I replace
I just bark orders....I did not row...I was very skinny...Anastasia giggled.

Well.you have filled out rather nicely...Simon joined in
You scandalous boy...Ian pushed Simon....

Ah...you two are like Abunton and Costelio....Anastasia...added
More like the punch and judy puppet show....Ian chimed...

I tell Mr.Bellairs I need to look and study crystal ball before sale
he is all....hurry ....hurry .....rush....Anastasia...bellowed...

It's alright dear....he has gone on break...lets get your crystal ball...Ian announced
Where iz it?...I mean...where is it?..my Russian comes out of mouth when iz upset.....

I speak French...when I am upset...Ian replied
Oh,iz,are you French...?....Anastasia....queried

Not in the bloody least....Ian replied...

Where is the crystal ball?...Simon asked
He has it in his office...Anastasia's eyes widened

It's ok ...we will just pop in his corner hidey hole and do a fast scan Ian announced
His door might be locked....Simon stammered

I have worked here fifteen years...I have secret skeleton keys....Ian boasted
Let us hurry.....Anastasia...whispered....

Miss Battleaxe and Poppy just arrived as Ian,Simon and Anastasia snuck out

Something is afoot.....Miss Battleaxe...said as she sniffed the air

Do my feet smell?....Poppy replied......

static....hiss....pop